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  1. #41

    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Originally posted by Ozi@Sep 5 2004, 04:05 PM
    LMAO that sounds like Will... ............
    Ozi, right age group, other sister; (Sam and Joe). They had quite a collection.

    Why did the chicken visit a building site?

    It wanted to see a person laying a brick

  2. #42

    Join Date
    Apr 2004
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    Central Coast, NSW
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    848

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    Why didn't the worms go into the Arc in Apple?

    Because they had to go in pears.

  3. #43

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    Hobart
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    Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
    A. His knob was stuck in the chicken.

    My bad...
    Please Keep your Support Desk Staff well fed and watered. They fix your f**kups, remember.

  4. #44

    Default

    ewwwwwww!!!!!!! so wrong!!!!

    I ca't think of any more jokes at the moment... my brain has "kernel panic" after that joke, Matrixgeek! *throws up*
    1.0Ghz 15" TiBook, MBP 13" 2.4/4/256, MBA 13" 2013 1.7/8/128 SSD, 1st Gen 5GB iPod (mint condition), 2nd Gen 10GB iPod, iPod video, nano and shuffle, iPhone 3GS 32GB, iPhone 5 32GB

  5. #45

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    Feb 2004
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    Canberra
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    what has 1 horn, four wheels an engine, and gives milk.



    The milk truck!
    Know me before you judge me...

  6. #46

    Join Date
    Feb 2004
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    Canberra
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    what begins with an f and ends in a k, and rhymes wih duck

    Fire truck
    Know me before you judge me...

  7. #47

    Default

    OK this isn't a joke, but instead a link to a very funny post on another forum I am a member of.

    Anyways, this link should only be clicked on by adults. It is not pornography or anything, but it is rude, and should not be accessed by people younger than 18.

    http://blog.fountainofpee.com/

    Also http://fountainofpee.com/tmag/metrosexual.html

    The author is a good friend of mine, and he always make me laugh heaps.

    ~Ozi.
    1.0Ghz 15" TiBook, MBP 13" 2.4/4/256, MBA 13" 2013 1.7/8/128 SSD, 1st Gen 5GB iPod (mint condition), 2nd Gen 10GB iPod, iPod video, nano and shuffle, iPhone 3GS 32GB, iPhone 5 32GB

  8. #48

    Join Date
    Jan 2004
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    Melbourne
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    A policeman sees a woman driving and knitting at the same time.

    Enraged, he yells out "PULL OVER!!!"

    The woman, still driving, smiles sweetly and says "Nah, it's a cardigan!"

    Apologies for those that have read this far

    JB

  9. #49

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    Hobart
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    Hmmm.....
    (Open really big dusty volume entitled '10001 crap jokes for forum threads&#39

    Q. How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A. 1, but it will take 15 episodes and spin off at least 2 sub-series.
    (one for the anime fans out there...)
    Please Keep your Support Desk Staff well fed and watered. They fix your f**kups, remember.

  10. #50

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    in a small box (send cheese)
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    hey for those of you who didnt notice i was away but am now back and with my return i bring jokes

    friend- look at this <link to ugle ass girl> click at your own risk
    me - its not a pic of your dick is it
    friend - hahahhahahah no no. just look
    me- ahhhhhhhhhhh shoot my eyes out please
    mmmm, i love my aids

  11. #51

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    Originally posted by Hobart@Sep 27 2004, 10:55 AM
    hey for those of you who didnt notice i was away but am now back and with my return i bring jokes

    friend- look at this <link to ugle ass girl> click at your own risk
    me - its not a pic of your dick is it
    friend - hahahhahahah no no. just look
    me- ahhhhhhhhhhh shoot my eyes out please
    And your &#39;friends&#39; do this to you??

  12. #52

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    Sep 2004
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    Rockhampton, QLD
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    203

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    Ever wondered what happens to that one shoe you see lying on the side of the highway...?


    A man (a lone wanderer) walks into a pub, he only has one shoe on. The barman asks, "You lose a shoe mate?"

    To which the man replies, "Nah, found one."


    *bows down*......

    Thomas

  13. #53

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    Jan 2004
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    Adelaide
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    Originally posted by thomas@Sep 27 2004, 12:55 PM
    *bows down*......
    haha. that line is better than the punch line.
    Read my drivel, be dazzled by my Twitter

    Are you some kind of devil trying to keep me from using my time usefully? - Currawong
    "You're an enigma wrapped in a ferreo roche" - fulltimecasual

  14. #54

    Join Date
    May 2004
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    Brisbane
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    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
    Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

    Careful ... CAREFUL&#33; Put in some more butter&#33; Oh my GOD&#33; You&#39;re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY&#33; Turn them&#33; TURN THEM NOW&#33; We need more butter. Oh my GOD&#33; WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They&#39;re going to STICK&#33;
    Careful ... CAREFUL&#33; I said be CAREFUL&#33; You NEVER listen to me
    when you&#39;re cooking&#33; Never&#33; Turn them&#33; Hurry up&#33; Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don&#39;t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to &#33; salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT&#33; THE SALT&#33;"

    The wife &#33; stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don&#39;t know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I&#39;m driving
    I have no successful trades

  15. #55

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    And your &#39;friends&#39; do this to you??
    yes

    also a very funny website bash.org
    mmmm, i love my aids

  16. #56

    Default

    Bob finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -- until the boat sinks.

    He finds himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    "I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

    "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

    "But-but, that&#39;s impossible," stutters Bob. "You had no tools. How did you manage?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." Bob is stunned.

    "Let&#39;s row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.

    As Bob looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It&#39;s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can&#39;t take any more coconut juice." "It&#39;s not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I&#39;m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, Bob goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "WOW&#33; This woman is amazing," he muses, "What next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We&#39;ve been out here for a really long time. You&#39;ve been lonely. There&#39;s something I&#39;m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you&#39;ve been longing for all these months. You know..."

    She stares into his eyes.............

    He can&#39;t believe what he&#39;s hearing:.............

    "You mean .", he swallows excitedly; "I can check my e-mail from here?&#33;"

  17. #57

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    nice...
    Know me before you judge me...

  18. #58

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    Apr 2004
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    Alberta, Eh
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    Okay a long sorta joke it may not be lame but it&#39;s funny,
    Okay a foren guy walks into a bakery, and asks can I have a bum. The baker says a what? foren guy: you know you put butter on it? Baker: oh a bun&#33; So the foren guy buys the bun and goes in to the hardwarestore Foren guy: can i have a Fuckit? Hardware Clerck: a What? Foren Guy: you know u put water in it... Hardware clerk oh&#33; a Bucket&#33; The foren guy then walks into a pet store, and asks if he can have a cockandspankit. The pet store clerk : Oh a cockerspanial&#33; okay well that will be 15 minutes for one. The foren guy then walks onto the street and asks a guy if he can hold his bum and fuckit while he gets his cockandspankit&#33;

    Haha hope u had a laugh

  19. #59

    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Melbourne
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    724

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    A bit in bad taste I know...

    A baby seal walks into a club...

    Superpolitik
    | Breaks/Electronica

    Trades
    :Tryme,Alessiman,Chris(x2),iSlayer,rob05,c3017474, eyeLikeCarrots,mjankor,pipsqeek,estoyloco,gring,fu nkmaster_dan,Cudex,eversuns,mikinoz,jeremy_warnock ,FBTN,Maximage,
    tintinaujapon,mulquemi,Simo

  20. #60

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    Nowhere near to being in the same league as the previous post but still worth while......

    Warning. Sorry, 16+

    A businessman staying at the Crown Casino Hotel removes a card offering sexual services from a public telephone on Southbank. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a sexy silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance. The man says, "I&#39;d like some missionary work, a bit of doggie-style, some mild bondage and discipline, finishing off with a blow job. What do you think?" The lady says, "I think it sounds quite interesting sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line."

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