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  1. #21

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    Ah, God bless Melbourne Public Transport!

    ClockWork, you remind me of so many lunatics i have met on trams and trains. Bless.

    I used to catch the train from Footscray (Foot-es-cray, for the Franco Cozzo fans out there&#33 into the city a few times a week. This was back when the heroin problem in the area was BAD BAD BAD. Needless to say i witnessed my fair share of whacked-out freaks pissing shitting and vomiting whereever they saw fit, as well as starting barneys, dangling dogs and mobile phones within carriages... the lot. And LOTS of pashing and drunken rooting on the Upfield line too. Bonus!

    However, nothing compares to home.. the Hong Kong Island - Lantau Island ferry, where you can witness the sweet lovebirds squeezing one another's acne in the moonlight..
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  2. #22

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Bart Smastard &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;57 AM) [snapback]223373[/snapback]</div>
    I love stuff like that. What seems like completely random and unexplainable behaviour to us "normal" people is absolutely rational to the man with the squeaky crocodile phone. Treasure that moment Hamsmyth
    [/b]
    Actually, I would think that the man was actually your average Melbourne Artist... homeless, unless they have a girlfriend that is :P
    32GB iPhone 3GS, Unibody MacBook Pro.
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  3. #23

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    So Clockwork, you basically act the same way on public transport as you do on this forum. Lurking around and making weird but profound comments


  4. #24

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    Green Banana - wow - now that&#39;s a form of grooming I must wittness - how cool is that&#33;? Pimple popping beneath a blue moon... where love has no boundaries - a whole new vista in ... exchanging bodily fluids&#33;

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Gerbils &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;02 AM) [snapback]223335[/snapback]</div>
    I once had a black man stroking his generously proportioned... thing... through track pants, opposite me on the train, casting glances at me. Only I was genuinely excited by it.
    [/b]
    It&#39;s not the same Gerbils - you&#39;re clearly a homosexual (a person who has sex at home) - and you were more than likely desiring the event and relishing it - rather than completely unexpecting it.

    To make the point of the unexpected much clearer, the man opposite you would have stroked his pendulous penis whilst in a heated debate as to whether reincarnation was or was not possible - before screaming:

    "OK - I&#39;ll prove to you its possible&#33;"

    ... before smashing the train window, leaping out and plumetting to a swift demise.

    (and no - I didn&#39;t see that on an episode of Tales of the Unexpected)

  5. #25

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    Okay... since this is inappropriate wednesday, i have a story.

    A few years back, while i was still at university, I was out with my then girlfriend on a Tuesday night. It got quite late, but we weren&#39;t tired, so we decided to head down to the beach. We would have been sitting on the sand for a good half hour when i saw a figure approaching us from afar. The person was silhouetted against the lights of Glenelg, and i could see him carrying something. It was about 4am on a Wednesday morning, so i figured it must have been a police officer, and it was his hat he was carrying. Immediately, we relaxed, because the cops are the good guys, and we weren&#39;t doing anything wrong by being there.

    Then he got closer, and we realised just how wrong we were. This man was no police officer. It was not a police hat he was carrying, it was his clothes. A naked, mid-50s gentleman was walking toward us on the beach. My girlfriend got a bit freaked out... but i said to her "hang on. If walking on the beach naked was your thing, wouldn&#39;t 4am on a wednesday be the time to do it?" While it was fairly odd, we weren&#39;t exactly frightened of the guy, yet...

    Now, i&#39;m not sure how many adelaide folks are reading this - but we were sitting on West beach. West beach is probably 50-80m from shore to &#39;dune&#39;, so there is plenty of space for the guy to avoid us to hide his shame. Instead of choosing to avoid us by say, 10 or 20 metres, he chose to walk within a metre of us as he passed by. We didn&#39;t say a thing... and were starting to get freaked out.

    The guy walked around for a while, up and down the beach. He &#39;frolicked&#39; in the waves for a moment as well. Then he walked back up to where we were, walked within 1m of us again, then stood about 15m away from us, looking at us.

    I wasn&#39;t looking at the guy, trying to let him do his naked thing in privacy. But i saw the look on my girlfriend&#39;s face change to horror, so i turned around. The guy was strokin&#39; it. He was sitting there, on the beach, at 4am, looking at a couple, having a wank.

    My girlfriend wanted to leave. I agreed. We were never the same again. :blink:
    Read my drivel, be dazzled by my Twitter

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  6. #26

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    I think I&#39;ve posted this before on here somwhere, but anyway...on the way to Chatswood in Sydney on the train an asian guy was making horrible phlegmy (yes that&#39;s a word) noises like he was about to cough up an alien life form or something. Then he pulled out a glass jar and hocked a big&#39;un into it, put the lid back on, and put it away. This jar was like a big jam jar. You could see it was already half full of...stuff. He did this a few times before I got off.

    Made me feel sick. Bleh.
    "O, what may man within him hide, Though angel on the outward side" - William Shakespeare

  7. #27

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Bart Smastard &#064; Oct 11 2006, 10&#58;33 AM) [snapback]223392[/snapback]</div>
    So Clockwork, you basically act the same way on public transport as you do on this forum. Lurking around and making weird but profound comments
    [/b]
    So... so what are you saying here Bart? Oh - am I not normal? Come on - out with it Bart - no need hiding behind innuendo and hyperbole... out with it now lest I have thy tongue out like a pheasant&#39;s at a roman banquet.

    If I am not normal... what am I?

    (taps foot)

  8. #28

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    Knowing people with mental illnesses, I&#39;m glad that the "normal" (and I mean that in a non-sarcastic way folks&#33 people in this forum thus far have taken most of these events with a grain of salt and a little bit of humour, rather than taking too much offence to these actions.

    You&#39;d be amazed at the fun my wife and I have with our son&#39;s disability, in a kind and loving way, of course, but hey - it&#39;s a pressure release for us.

    I would ask, however, that if you do get pictures of these people doing some of these weird things that you do not forward them too far and wide. Many of these individuals have family members and the Internet is a small place, and the people concerned still have rights to privacy.
    Just another insomniac in the land of the narcoleptic.
    ---
    //c, SE/30, Powerbook 160, MP2100, MacBook 2006, iMac Core 2 Duo 2010

  9. #29

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    There is a homeless man who rides the 57 tram in Melbourne and will shout at anyone he finds eating McDonalds... he&#39;ll say:

    "Don&#39;t eat McDonalds&#33;&#33; DOOM AND GLOOM&#33; DOOM AND GLOOM&#33;&#33;&#33;"

    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  10. #30

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    Disko - would his actions - particularly at that hour - remotely have suggested he&#39;d planned to do something else that evening... yet had chickened out at the last moment.... (ie: goodbye cruel world?) - thus anything beyond that descision - ie: having a wank in front of you and then-girl - would seem several notches beneath oblivion - toned down and back to reality?

  11. #31

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    If you used that logic, CW, you could say anything.

    Perhaps he had just won the nobel peace prize, and was so overwhelmed by it he felt the need to be naked at the beach?&#33;

    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  12. #32

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ClockWork &#064; Oct 11 2006, 10&#58;38 AM) [snapback]223411[/snapback]</div>
    Disko - would his actions - particularly at that hour - remotely have suggested he&#39;d planned to do something else that evening... yet had chickened out at the last moment.... (ie: goodbye cruel world?) - thus anything beyond that descision - ie: having a wank in front of you and then-girl - would seem several notches beneath oblivion - toned down and back to reality?
    [/b]
    You make no sense. Ever.
    Read my drivel, be dazzled by my Twitter

    Are you some kind of devil trying to keep me from using my time usefully? - Currawong
    "You're an enigma wrapped in a ferreo roche" - fulltimecasual

  13. #33

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    Maybe he was blind?

    Whoa&#33; Maybe he was a mute, and the only way he could communicate was with FULL BODY SIGN LANGUAGE&#33;&#33;&#33;
    .sig

  14. #34

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    Over the weekend just gone past, I was at Transport bar (in Melbourne, at Fed Square for those who don&#39;t know it) on Saturday night, with a couple of girlfriends.

    We were standing around chatting, as girls do, when naturally we were approached by a drunken guy.

    He said something along the lines of the following (failed pickup line, perhaps?):

    "Ok, so... I don&#39;t usually ask these kinds of things... but my mate over there..." (he pointed at some guy in the distance, and none of us turned around to look) "is having his buck&#39;s night tonight."

    He stopped at this point, as if we should find this declaration significant. Then he kept going.

    "So I was wondering, if maybe you girls could like... go over and give him a lapdance... maybe put your arms around him, y&#39;know?"

    There&#39;s really no response you can give to that besides "no"... which I said around 35 times.
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  15. #35

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    He might have just won the nobel peace prize - I&#39;m not excluding that - he might have just experience a sudden moment of clarity - though between nobel-peace prize and "mid-life crisis / suicide in the ocean" - (you did mention mid-fifties, didn&#39;t ya Disko), which would you deem more likely ? hmmm?

  16. #36

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    You wont believe this.

    I just went to the bus stop across the road from where i live (happens to be a REALLY bad area) anyways so i came across with my mum to check when the bus leaves into the city and i saw this man dress in brown leather cloak right down to his knees long sleeve etc.. he comes up behind my mum point his finger into a 3 finger position to resemble a gun and goes bang bang bang (his saying this) at everyone at the bus stop.
    I saw his face has 3 red stripes painted on each side (looks like he just got out of long bay jail "a jail nearby") anyways as we left i noticed an old man standing near the bus stop and that same guy goes up to him, Don&#39;t know what he did because we left as fast as we could.
    Can&#39;t these people be locked up???
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  17. #37

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    My wierd moment story is quite possibly the story of my closest brush with a pedaphile as well.

    When I was 13 my family moved from the country to the outer Melbourne suburb called The Basin, at the foot of the Mt Dandenong, just before Xmas. I used to ride my bike to a large public dam for a swim. Because it was school holidays I hadn&#39;t made any friends so I went alone. Normally there were a few people down there but one day there was just one guy, probably in his early 40&#39;s, sunbaking naked. I kept riding and found a spot on the otherside of the dam to swim so he could continue doing his thing in peace.

    While I was swimming I didn&#39;t notice that he had walked around the dam to where I was. When I came out of the water and sat down on my towel he approached me, wearing very loose short shorts, so short that his todger was hanging out, and asked me if I&#39;d ever tried nude sunbaking. He explained how liberating it was and how I should try it WITH HIM&#33; He even suggested we go behind some trees for some privacy.
    I was just a shy country boy so I politely said I had to go and quickly grabbed my stuff, jumped on my bike and got the hell out of there.

    I didn&#39;t tell my parents or the police and I never went to the dam again until I had started at my new school and made some friends. I told them about the guy but they had never seen anyone nude sunbaking there so he probably wasn&#39;t a local.

    Thinking about it afterwards I wished I had kicked the freak in the nuts.


  18. #38

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ClockWork &#064; Oct 11 2006, 10&#58;59 AM) [snapback]223405[/snapback]</div>
    So... so what are you saying here Bart? Oh - am I not normal? Come on - out with it Bart - no need hiding behind innuendo and hyperbole... out with it now lest I have thy tongue out like a pheasant&#39;s at a roman banquet.

    If I am not normal... what am I?

    (taps foot)
    [/b]
    I&#39;m sure you&#39;re as normal as the rest of us Clockwork. It&#39;s great that your behaviour is consistent outside the forum. Nice to know that the profound comments are not part of an act or alter ego. The Clockwork we see here is the same guy we would find in real life, complete with Pork Pie hat

  19. #39

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    I thought they were called Bowler&#39;s hats?

    I want one.
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  20. #40

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Bart Smastard &#064; Oct 11 2006, 11&#58;44 AM) [snapback]223432[/snapback]</div>
    When I was 13 my family moved from the country to the outer Melbourne suburb called The Basin, at the foot of the Mt Dandenong
    [/b]
    cool, that&#39;s out my way. You still there? Or did you keep on running?
    Was the dam down near the Salvo&#39;s?
    .sig

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