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  1. #1

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    Default [Warning! V-NSFW!] Inappropriate Wednesday. Don't read it if you don't love it!

    Last week I was sitting on a tram in Melbourne on my way home from work. I glanced casually to my right and saw an enormous man wearing a loose pair of red shorts, and matching red t-shirt. He was reading the paper.

    Nothing unusual yet, right?

    Something seemed amiss though, and when I looked again to my right at the man, I realised something that mortified me for the rest of the night. Just when I thought nothing else could shock me.

    His er... *thing* was hanging out of one leg of his shorts (i'd like to emphasise at this point they were fairly SHORT shorts). He was absently stroking himself whilst reading the paper, and what I at first took to be undivided interest in reading was actually just staring off into space while he enjoyed a nice tug.

    I was instantly mortified and sent a a group SMS to everyone in my phone book, to retell the horror.

    This morning I saw the same man on the way in to work, sans newspaper and assumedly wearing underwear this time. It got me thinking that there must be a lot of other stories like mine. I certainly have MANY others.

    So, here is the thread to post your awkward/embarrassing/inappropriate/mortifying stories, whether it involves yourself or someone you know.


    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  2. #2

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    I once had a black man stroking his generously proportioned... thing... through track pants, opposite me on the train, casting glances at me. Only I was genuinely excited by it.

  3. #3

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    Once a few years ago, I was on the train when a very tall man in army fatigues sat down opposite me.

    As the train pulled away from the station, he took the following items from his pocket:

    A ladies compact, with mirror
    Moisturising cream
    Tweezers

    He then started to pull out his chest hairs, one by one. You could clearly hear the sound each hair made as it came out. All the while he was staring straight ahead with this wild look in his eyes....

    :huh:
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  4. #4

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    This is just sick!!!!!
    My Macs: MacBook Pro 17", Powerbook Ti 867Mhz, Powermac 5500 Black, iBook G3 900Mhz, Powermac MDD, Powermac 8600 250Mhz, Intel Core Duo 1.66Ghz Mac Mini, iMac G4 17" 1Ghz, eMac 1Ghz, eMac 800Mhz,
    AppleCollector Sales Service/Sales/Support/Trade In's

  5. #5

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    What have you got between your legs, a picture of Jesus?

  6. #6

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(applecollector &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;16 AM) [snapback]223346[/snapback]</div>
    This is just sick&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;
    [/b]
    Sure it is. What else are we going to talk about mid week?

    If nothing else, you are making me feel less alienated from my horrific experiences with strangers on public transport: it would be nice to hear someone else&#39;s stories for once&#33;
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  7. #7

    Default

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Chr1s &#064; Oct 11 2006, 08&#58;42 AM) [snapback]223323[/snapback]</div>
    Last week I was sitting on a tram in Melbourne on my way home from work. I glanced casually to my right and saw an enormous man wearing a loose pair of red shorts, and matching red t-shirt. He was reading the paper.

    Nothing unusual yet, right?

    Something seemed amiss though, and when I looked again to my right at the man, I realised something that mortified me for the rest of the night. Just when I thought nothing else could shock me.

    His er... *thing* was hanging out of one leg of his shorts (i&#39;d like to emphasise at this point they were fairly SHORT shorts). He was absently stroking himself whilst reading the paper, and what I at first took to be undivided interest in reading was actually just staring off into space while he enjoyed a nice tug.
    [/b]
    What time of day was this and whcih tram route is it? hah
    That&#39;s not something you see very often.

    I&#39;m on trains/trams every day and rarely see anything unusual or gross like that...

  8. #8

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(decryption &#064; Oct 11 2006, 08&#58;54 AM) [snapback]223351[/snapback]</div>
    What time of day was this and whcih tram route is it? hah
    [/b]
    Why decryption you got something to confess? You just want to make sure it was you first

  9. #9

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(decryption &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;24 AM) [snapback]223351[/snapback]</div>
    What time of day was this and whcih tram route is it? hah
    That&#39;s not something you see very often.

    I&#39;m on trains/trams every day and rarely see anything unusual or gross like that...
    [/b]
    Number 57 from Collins St, around 5:30ish
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  10. #10

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    Stuff like this happens all the time on public transport&#33; You&#39;re not looking hard enough.

  11. #11

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hawker &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;25 AM) [snapback]223352[/snapback]</div>
    Why decryption you got something to confess? You just want to make sure it was you first
    [/b]

    Noooo, I was the man in the green t-shirt. *phew*

  12. #12

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    A co-worker of mine has a picture taken on a camera phone of a man orally gratifying himself on a Melbourne tram.

  13. #13

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    I was sitting in a Melbourne coffee shop a few months ago having a coffee with a friend. At the table across from us a man walked in and sat down. His clothes seemed a little ragged, and to me he looked to be homeless.

    Anyway we were there for another 30 mins and then all of a sudden this guy reaches in his jacket and pull out a squeaky crocodile bath toy (the kind that squeak when you squeeze them). He pulls it out, squeezes it twice, pulls on the tail like an aerial then proceeds to answer the crocodile like a phone&#33; He mumbled for a minute or so on the phone and then took it from his face, pushed the tail down, squeaked it again and placed it back in his jacket before rushing from the store. Gold&#33;

  14. #14

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    My female workmate of mine once caught a man at Port Melbourne Coles taking camera phone pics of women&#39;s knickers... i.e. he&#39;d walk past a woman, hold the camera under her skirt and *click*&#33; She called him a sick bastard.

  15. #15

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hamsmyth &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;33 AM) [snapback]223360[/snapback]</div>
    I was sitting in a Melbourne coffee shop a few months ago having a coffee with a friend. At the table across from us a man walked in and sat down. His clothes seemed a little ragged, and to me he looked to be homeless.

    Anyway we were there for another 30 mins and then all of a sudden this guy reaches in his jacket and pull out a squeaky crocodile bath toy (the kind that squeak when you squeeze them). He pulls it out, squeezes it twice, pulls on the tail like an aerial then proceeds to answer the crocodile like a phone&#33; He mumbled for a minute or so on the phone and then took it from his face, pushed the tail down, squeaked it again and placed it back in his jacket before rushing from the store. Gold&#33;
    [/b]

    haha that&#39;s hilarious
    Dear Sony, Microsoft, the MPAA, the RIAA and Apple:
    Let's make a deal. You stop trying to tell me where, when, and how I play my movies and music, and I won't crush your homes under my inexorably advancing wall of ice.

    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sony_microsoft..._riaa_apple.jpg

  16. #16

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    I once sat on a train on Oaks Day, and had a wrinkled old dear in her Lemon Suit stand in front of me. She then reached up to grab the hand-rail, and her jacket opened up, revealing a lemon mesh body suit, wih no bra, and some old wrinkly boobs. Right in front of my face. ew
    .sig

  17. #17

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    i caught the traing up to melbourne from frankston for years while i was going to uni and saw some horrible things.

    one time a guy playing with himself, was literally picked up by another guy and thrown off the train. i luckily saw nothing till he got picked up.

    another guy taking a leak between carriages suddenly found the train go round a corner and him showing all to the entire carriage, my friend almost screamed, luckily i missed that too.

    another time. a girl and 3 guys, all mid-20&#39;s, were going home late. 2 guys got off leaving the couple behind. suddenly with less to think about the girl realised she needed the toilet and right now. we were between stations and only one before they were getting off anyway, possibly 2 mins away and she couldn&#39;t hold it. had to use the guys jacket to cover it up.

    another time with a friend a crazy guy started singing in german sitting opposite us for no reason. my friend was a giggler, started laughing and couldn&#39;t stop, which only made the guy sing louder cos he loved it.

    another time on a train there was a guy in a black cloak, hood up and almost covering his head completely. i looked at him and all of a sudden he looked up and stared straight at me, pretty scary.

    i reckon i almost had something bad happen everytime i was on the train but these were the most memorable.. unfortunately.

  18. #18

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hamsmyth &#064; Oct 11 2006, 09&#58;33 AM) [snapback]223360[/snapback]</div>
    I was sitting in a Melbourne coffee shop a few months ago having a coffee with a friend. At the table across from us a man walked in and sat down. His clothes seemed a little ragged, and to me he looked to be homeless.

    Anyway we were there for another 30 mins and then all of a sudden this guy reaches in his jacket and pull out a squeaky crocodile bath toy (the kind that squeak when you squeeze them). He pulls it out, squeezes it twice, pulls on the tail like an aerial then proceeds to answer the crocodile like a phone&#33; He mumbled for a minute or so on the phone and then took it from his face, pushed the tail down, squeaked it again and placed it back in his jacket before rushing from the store. Gold&#33;
    [/b]
    I love stuff like that. What seems like completely random and unexplainable behaviour to us "normal" people is absolutely rational to the man with the squeaky crocodile phone. Treasure that moment Hamsmyth


  19. #19

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    I must say that depite my frequent use of ACTION buses here in Canberra I have never seen anything of the sort. I used to catch the train to work each day on the Southern Highlands line (Sydney CityRail), none of that stuff happened. I suppose that the CityRail diesels all have toilets on board, so maybe thats why.

    All I can say is that so far all the weird stories here have come from Victoria. Not going to comment.

  20. #20

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    After several years in Sydney, and slowly realizing that because I like dressing like a swag, people who wear "real" clothes avoid me as if I were criminally insane.

    I then realized, that because of this, I could have any bench, any bus seat and any train seat I want, without having to share it with others.

    MINE. MINE. MINE.

    Because I don&#39;t wear a bloody suit (with prehensile tie) - and enjoy wearing a pork-pie hat, if I sit down next to a woman (of any age), she&#39;ll immediately spring up and walk away, preferring to stand rather than sit next to what is, in her opnion, a strange man.

    Sydney&#39;s like that for those of you who don&#39;t know.

    Anyhow, I&#39;ve gotten used to this. It&#39;s my priviledge to sit where ever I choose... AND - temporarily own that seat - my own private (public) seat - where I can smoke and even stretch my legs. I now expect this.

    Still... every so often... there&#39;ll be a woman - who won&#39;t spring up and move away - and I can&#39;t do anything too strange ... to get rid of them. "Talking" to them upon mundane subjects will only provoke total ignoring.

    Instead, I&#39;ve found this line to be terribly effective - I turn to them and say:

    "Up the airy mountain... and down the rushing glen... we dare not go a&#39;hunting... for... FEAR... of little men..."

    Now - that&#39;s just vaguely and ambiguously psychotic enough to shift Mount Fuji.

    (It&#39;s actually the first lines of quite a merry little folk melody about elfs who eat pancakes - yet in the right... Hannibal Lectarian timbre... it conjures up unthinkable horrors).

    cw


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