Some of you nerdier types may have already heard of Sumo Lounge. They're pimped around nerd circles often (ala Penny Arcade, Something Awful etc.) as geeks have no respect for traditional furniture and relish the opportunity to be extremely comfortable whilst doing geek activities, such as reading, playing video games or munching on some Cheetos Cheese and Bacon Balls while watching an even-numbered Star Trek movie. If you haven't heard of Sumo Lounge, I welcome your fine Australian buttocks to a new world of comfort. Sumo have finally decided to sell their wares here in Australia via their website. Currently, only a single model of the Sumo Lounge range is available to us Australians - the Omni.
The Sumo Lounge Omni is pretty much a fancy bean bag. A big, fancy bean bag. With features that make it a modern, big, fancy bean bag. Everyone loves a good bean bag and as an expert fat-arse, lazy, geek, I have sat on many bean-bags in my time. The Omni is one of the best I have plunged my vast body mass into. This ain't your grandma's bean-bag. This piece of awesome literary exhibitionism will detail why I, lord of the bean bags, liked the Omni.
All Sumo Lounges come pre-filled with beans, which is cool, as I hated putting the foam beans into bean bags. I make a huge mess and there are little white dots everywhere. They're A-grade beans too, so don't worry about them becoming worn out too quickly and having to re-fill it. It had a hard time getting in the house (the courier and I had to lean hard to shove it through front door), but once it's in, you do not need to worry.
My favourite feature is that the material on the Omni is easy to clean. Ever eaten a nice big plate of nachos, covered in sour cream, raised that large corn chip to your mouth with that giant dollop of cream and had it drop, straight on your couch? Yeah, I've been there too and it sucks (you can still see the stains). The Omni however is made out of BALLISTIC NYLON, which I naively thought means it's bulletproof. Alas, it is simply PVC coated nylon which is super durable but smooth. Don't go shooting it.
The Omni is huge. It's 137cm x 167cm, Which means it supports a beached whale like me and possibly like you. Us fatties can launch themselves into the Omni and it will just sit there and take it. It's also really durable (again, useful for lardos), with NO RIP stitching and fabric.
My only complaint with the Omni is that it's so comfortable, I don't want to get up, which leads to a sore bladder or angry girlfriend. Both if you ain't careful.
- $199 inc. delivery to QLD, ACT, VIC, NSW - you other states can't even order as you're too far away from the rest of Australia. Sumo are looking into how to get bean bags to you.
- Five colours, so it will fit into your cave's decor.
- Satisfaction Guarantee. If for some reason this bean bag rubs you the wrong way in your first week of owning it, Sumo will give you back your money.
- The Omni is filled with virgin polystyrene foam (little white foam balls). That means you get to pop their cherry. I knew you'd like that. Pervert.
Check out the Sumo website, where there are hot chicks lounging around on sacks full of beans. Unfortunately, they aren't lounging on either of our sacks. Damn. Still, we can dream. Maybe if you buy a Sumo Lounge Omni, hot women will lounge on it. Maybe. While you're at the Sumo website, watch this video, it will change your life.
An action shot of yours truly, rescuing a princess or killing a zombie. Send all marriage proposals/topless photos to: email@example.com. Also, note the old, inferior, bean-bag relegated to clothes stand duties in the background. Do not take note of the double chins.
Check out that dusty Wii balance board. Compare it to that bean bag. It's a big mothertrucker hey?
Those virgin beads are trapped with some heavy duty velcro and a really strong zip.