• Naughtinano - iPod Powered Vibrator Review

    So this is what my life has come to.

    24 years old and I'm reviewing sex toys on the Internet. Not just on the internet, that's bad enough, but on a forum full of people who belong in the portion of society most likely to be virgins. My mother is proud me. Yes she is.

    Okay, now, this item is called the Naughtinano and it is from the spiffy guys and girls at OhMiBod. It's a vibrator. A fake penis that rumbles. A "marital aid". If you're male, this thing is probably useless for you. Unless your into prostate stimulation. Even then, I'm not sure how this device would help, but if you want to buy it to try it out, fuck, who am I to judge? It keeps the economy going. Use that $1,000 bonus from the government to buy it with for all I care. It is a government "stimulus" after-all.

    If you're one of the scarce females that reads MacTalk then GODDAMN today is your day. This review is for you ladies. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a woman-friend who would test the Naughtinano. Even when I told them it's purely for science, that I don't need to be in the same room (just close enough so I can hear) and that I won't be recording the process onto video, they still didn't warm to the idea. So dear reader, this is the first review on MacTalk I have written that does not include a rigorous testing regime. Hence, it may not be up to the usual standards. For this, I apologise. I will try my best.

    I will assume you know how a vibrator works and what you're supposed to do with it. If you don't, well, you have the internet. Research. This vibrator in particular is only being reviewed here because of it's special feature - the ability to plug in an iPod and have it vibrate in time to the music. The vibrator itself simply has a 3.5mm jack on the end that can accept any sort of audio input, not just iPods. TV's, DVD players, your Nintendo DS, your computer, whatever floats your boat (or the little man in it).

    Now, I have very little experience with vibrators, dildo's or any other sort of sex toy. Interpret this as you wish, but I have no qualms with it and I am at peace with myself. From my lack of experience, I would assume this is quite a regular sized device. I'm sure most women would find it perfectly adequate. If not, then my manhood has been shattered into a million tiny pieces. The Naughtinano is more rubbery/silicone than it is smooth and shiny. I do not know how this would go, err, internally, but I'm sure the brains at OhMiBod took this into consideration during product testing.

    In the box it comes with the vibrator itself, the appropriate cable to go from iPod to vibrator and split the sound to your headphones, a cap for the vibrator so it can be used sans-music, a "velvet privacy pouch" and two sets of batteries.

    You simply use the cable to plug one end into your iPod, then the other into the vibrator. Then insert your headphones into the free socket (heh, sockets and plugs and inserting) and away you go. You control the intensity of the vibrations via the volume. The louder the noise, the more vibrating. Easy! You don't want to think too hard whilst using this, do you now?

    I have two niggling complaints with the Naughtinano. For starters, the privacy pouch. It ain't that frickin' private! I have no doubt that if anyone saw this fluffy pink pouch with OhMiBod written on it, one would be inclined to investigate and therefore discover the device. Maybe something more discrete would work well here. Secondly, the batteries. N-type cells?! I don't know where you buy them from, but the supermarket sure doesn't sell them. Assuming the Naughtinano hits the right spot, I can imagine the batteries dying fast and the last thing you want is a flat battery in the middle of that event. No-one has N-type cells in their home. AA's, AAA's, yes. But N-type cells, no. Dumb idea OhMiBod.

    So, to the question on your mind. Will it give me earth-shattering orgasms to my favourite music? The answer is yes. If you're into a an anatomically incorrect rubber fake penis that rumbles like a possessed robot lingering around your genitalia. I'm no expert, but from the girls I hang out with (to the three of you reading this, you don't think less of me at all do you? No, no you don't.), this sort of thing just doesn't appeal to them. I'm sure there's a couple of chicks that *really* like music and wish it was Damon Albarn, John Lennon, Josh Homme or something instead of the fake cock. That's cool, I wouldn't expect less, but really, it's not the guy that sang those beautiful words, so um, no-wonder us geeks can't get a date. However, th aim here is to get you off and if having music helps, then damn it, I won't deny you that.

    What the Naughtinano does bring to the table however, is being able to show off my skill at making playlists that would make good vibrator companions. I present to you, Decryption's Orgasmolicious Playlist:

    1. The Beatles - Come Together

    2. Blur - I'm Just a Killer For Your Love

    3. Queens of the Stone Age - Make It With Chu

    4. Muse - Stockholm Syndrome

    5. Mogwai - Glasgow Mega Snake

    6. Cut Copy - Going Nowhere

    7. Air - Dirty Trip

    8. PNAU - Embrace

    9. The Presets - Down, Down, Down


    Alternatively, get any Presets song - I'm pretty sure they're a plant by OhMiBod in order to sell vibrators. Feel free to suggest your own playlist. Actually, OhMiBod even has a community where people share their playlists. They call it Club Vibe, heh. I have not ventured into this community, but I am sure it's full of great suggestions.

    And before you ask, what is next for the Naughtinano review unit I received, it will be sent (un-used) to a friend. Merry Christmas Nicola!

    You can buy your own from OhMiBod Australia for $99 inc shipping. Thank Christ for discrete shipping methods. There's a whole bunch of accessories too. Oh, and a video of it in action. It's not as good as you think it is though.

    DSC_0001-20081210-151141.jpg

    What to look for at your nearest sex-toy store this Christmas. I like how they made the vibrators like crosses. A four way of these would be good viewin'

    DSC_0002-20081210-151314.jpg

    The contents of the box. The empty section in the corner is a set of batteries. That pink thing is the flaming obvious pouch.

    DSC_0005-20081210-151455.jpg

    To give you an idea of size, here is the Naughtinano next to an iPhone in it's dock, syncing. I strongly suggest you do not keep your Naughtinano next to your iPhone. Both vibrate, but only one is designed for insertion. Don't get confused.
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