• 3G JUICE iPod/iPhone Spare Battery Review

    Energy and persistence conquer all things.
    -Benjamin Franklin

    That quote is emblazoned on the side of the packaging of the 3G JUICE. It's placed there to make you think about how fantastic the product is, or to contemplate on the amazing piece of technology inside. Maybe the intention is simply to be a handy tip for life. A reminder that if you put enough energy (lol energy, it's a battery, get it?) and stick at something for long enough, that you will accomplish anything. A noble quote, totally, but if you read that quote, which, may I remind you, is written on the side of an iPhone battery box, you are a douchebag. If you don't know who Benjamin Franklin is, you're also a douchebag. If you liked that quote after reading it on the side of a box and don't know who Benjamin Franklin is, you're a velocodouche.

    The 3G JUICE (in caps as that's how it's written on the blurb on the back of the box), is a rechargeable lithium polymer battery with a dock connector on it. Simple. Anything with a dock connector, the 3G JUICE can power. iPhones, iPods, iPod Touch, your mum. Wait, not the last one, she doesn't have a dock connector. Besides, she brings her own batteries.

    Why does one need an extra battery for their iPod or iPhone? For the iPod, you probably want it because you're going on a long trip or plan to be somewhere where you can't charge your iPod for a while. The iPhone however, you will need if you plan on being outside for more than 3 hours. An exaggeration, but iPhone 3G owners know what I'm getting at. This is not Apple's fault or the iPhone's fault. Many things outside of Apple's control lead to poor battery life on the iPhone and hence, the need for a product like the 3G JUICE:

    • 802.11g and 3G radio chipsets. 3.5" high res, bright, full colour touch screen.

    • Battery in iPhone is thin as we like thin devices.

    • iPhones are so damn good that we use them 24/7, where as other "smartphones" are so shit, we avoid using them.

    Add all those up and at the end of the day, you have a alerts on your iPhone saying the device will explode unless you find a power socket. Luckily, 3G JUICE has you covered.

    Unless you lack opposable thumbs, the 3G JUICE is idiot proof. Charge it up via a USB port (this is where a 7-port, powered, USB hub is awesome) and simply hang onto it until you need to use it. When you do, take off the cap, jam it in the arse of your iPod or iPhone and BOOM, you are no longer hyperventilating due to the impending doom of living without your iThing. The iPhone (I'm just going to write iPhone now, if you have an iPod, pretend I'm saying iPod okay), just assumes it's plugged into a wall charger and happily goes about it's business, being a parasite to the 3G JUICE, sucking away at it's electronic teat of electrons and whatever.

    The 3G JUICE is effectively the same size as the internal iPhone battery, so on an iPhone 3G, it will be able to charge your depleted battery and then some. With the 3G JUICE in tow, you can double whatever use you get now on your iPhone. Handy hey? Not many other iPhone batteries have such high capcity, so this is something to consider when looking for a spare.

    3G JUICE tell me that you can leave the battery charged and without use, for up to a year and it will still retain it's full charge, ready to power your iPhone when you want it. So don't worry about leaving it in your backpack/man-purse/bum-bag/whatever you carry your stuff in and discovering in a few weeks, that when you really need it, it's flat. That won't happen. I promise.

    That isn't to say the 3G JUICE is infallible. During day-to-day use, I discovered two quite silly design flaws. The first issue being the implementation of a cap to cover the dock connector. Sure the cap is useful, protecting the dock connector for such evils like talcum powder, acid rain, dog saliva and Dr. Pepper, but I hate having to put the cap somewhere while it's in use. Some sort of sliding or retractable cap/cover would be kickin' rad and way cooler than a simple cap. I hate loose caps. I will misplace them and hence, my life will be ruined. I'll fall into a hole of drugs and booze and turn into one of those jaded, bitter product reviewers. Nah-uh, not the life for me.

    Annoyance #2 is that the USB port is obscured when plugged in. The DLO Jumpstart (another iPhone battery) has the USB port on the opposite side as the dock connector, allowing a pass-through. The 3G JUICE does not do this. It is obfuscated by the iPhone. Poor. Very poor. Would it have killed them to place that mini-USB port down the bottom of the battery?

    Some bad news if you're a 1st-Gen iPod Touch or iPod Nano user, you can't use a (not just the 3G JUICE, but any) spare battery pack whilst listening to your music, as it will cover the headphone socket. Sorry guys. You will be required to stop rockin' out to Mastodon or cutting yourself to Panic at the Disco and let your iPod charge whilst it makes sweet electronic love with the 3G JUICE.

    I took the 3G JUICE (and the DLO Jump Start) on a road-test at the iPhone Tech Talk in Melbourne last week. I figured someone's gonna need this bad-boy, considering there will be approximately 15 million iPhones in the one room and that all of us such die-hard nerds that we can't keep our hands off our iPhones for more than 10 minutes. By around 4pm, I was everyone's best friend with my spare iPhone batteries. Three MacTalk users who can tolerate my obnoxious smell used the 3G JUICE to see them out until they got to the next power outlet. This is what they said to me whilst using it:

    Quamen: "3G JUICE stole my girlfriend, murdered my sister and scored with my mum. I HATE 3G JUICE"
    Xenex: "This is the bestest Christmas ever!"
    fulltimecasual: "Get your hand off my knee Anthony. No seriously, get your creepy hands off my knee you creepy fucking creep."

    I get a distinct feeling they didn't understand what I was asking them. Morons.

    Make no doubt about it, a spare battery for your iPhone is something any good geek should have, along with a 16GB USB storage device and a 3G modem for your laptop. The 3G JUICE works as advertised. Which isn't surprising as it's pretty hard to fuck up a simple battery. Unless it's a cheap battery that explodes in your hands, requiring finger amputation. Then you're totally up shit creek without a paddle, as how do you use your iPhone then? With no fingers. Your tongue? An iPhone wand you hold in your mouth? Jesus H. Christ. Luckily for us, the 3G JUICE uses a pretty good battery. It won't explode. I hope.


    • Battery Capacity: 1800mAh

    • Time to full charge: 3-6hrs

    • Weight: 45g

    • Battery Manufacturer: C-BAK

    • Battery Type: Lithium Polymer

    • Dimension: 62mm 60mm x 12.9mm

    • Price: $84.90

    • Website & Purchasing Info: http://www.3gjuice.com.au


    3G JUICE goes anywhere you need it to go. In your pocket. In your backpack. Stashed in your arse so the slopes don't see it and you can pass it on to your son.


    Everyone enjoys my beautiful hands. No happy endings. NO. NOT FOR YOU.


    Full signal, on Optus? Get the fuck outta here man.


    See, I wasn't lying about that quote at the start. Why did you think I was lying? I'd never lie to you darling. Give Daddy a hug. That's better, isn't it?


    IT'S HERE! Oh boy, I can't wait. It's here. Wowee-wow. I haven't been this surprised in decades. I lost myself in all that excitement.
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