• Tropical Howie Laptop Sleeve - A Review

    This review will be pretty simple as there's not much one can write about a laptop sleeve. You put your laptop in it. Ta-mother-fucking-da. That isn't to say there's some really shit or boring laptop sleeves out there, but there are some key criteria when it comes to laptop sleeves that I will now outline for your consideration:

    Nice feel. You gotta hold this sucker, so you don't want it to be all itchy or feel gross. Particularly if you're like me and hate the feel of velvet/corduroy right after you've cut your fingernails. Or have a disposition towards clutching onto fabric with sweaty hands (an affliction that impacts many, do not laugh). If you're a greasy geek like me, how easy it is to clean and how vulnerable it is to stains is another important consideration.

    Durable zip and stitching. Last thing you want is the zip to fail on you. Without a zip, the sleeve is useless, as the precious cargo will spill to the ground and you'll cry like a fucking baby because your precious laptop has a dint. This is not what you want. Unless you're a fuckwit who wants this to happen. Probably some sort of insurance scam you've got going I presume? I'm on to your dirty little game hombre. But anyways, a good zip is also easy to open and shut. You don't want a relatively simple process to become a struggle. You know when you're trying to open the condom packet in a dark bedroom and you start fumbling around to put it on? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about and you don't want that happening with your laptop sleeve. Women will think you're pathetic. Trust me.

    Looks nice. You've gotta haul this son-of-a-bitch around with you. In public. So you may as well get something that looks good hey? Again, women will think you're pathetic carrying around your laptop full of horse porn in a dorkmeister-2000 sleeve. So this is very important.

    Pricing. Unfortunately, these things aren't free. Unless you're a thief. In that scenario, it shouldn't matter what I say, just go take whatever you want and then you decide which one you like best. However, if you are a law abiding citizen, you've got to decide where to spend your hard-earned cash money. Is that $100 sleeve really worth that bit extra over the $30 sleeve? DON'T ANSWER YET. I have a review to conduct arsehole and you'll ruin it all.

    The sleeve going under my regime of deep and probing scrutiny today is from a local company called Tropical Howie, from good ol' Prahran, Melbourne. Home to a high proportion of wankers and a Swinburne University campus. Whilst I am sure Tropical Howie are not wankers, they aren't doing themselves any favours with the choice of name. Goddamn dudes, what were you thinking? Luckily for you and I, their skill in laptop sleeves is better than their skill in developing company names.

    Let's go through the 4 criteria for a laptop sleeve I outlined earlier, and see how the Tropical Howie (hah, what a dumb name) stacks up.

    Nice feel? Yep. It's made out of 5mm thick neoprene. Ideal for sweaty hands. Stain resistance? Um, it's not vinyl or anything where it can wipe off so there's certainly seepage issues. Except on the Terry Toweling sleeve. That one is 5mm neoprene with a terry toweling covering. Very cool! I like how it feels. It was actually my favourite of the 3 they sent me.

    Durable zip and stitching? Totally. The zip is thicker than your mum's bush, the stitching is tighter than your sister's, wait, wait, I've cornered myself here. I'll end this analogy now. Either way, this is a pretty well constructed laptop sleeve. I would trust my MacBook Pro in it and if you know how much I love my Apple gear, you can sleep safe at night with the knowledge the Tropical Howie (lol) isn't going to fall apart.

    Looks nice. Aesthetics are always a personal thing. I like a big arse on a woman and some dudes don't. That's just how it is. There's nothing wrong with it. Variety is the spice of life after all. I personally think the Tropical Howie line up is conceited and trite. Maybe if you're a mid-30's woman, it will have more appeal. I'm a 24 year old neckbeard fat geek male who thinks putting posters of pixel art on his walls is cool. So obviously, I am not the target market. Maybe a giant picture of Steve Jobs on a laptop sleeve will be more alluring for me and my kind. It is also interesting to note that there is only 750 of each design being made. Ever. For some reason this is important. Maybe in 20 years time they'll be worth something. Like when Tropical Howie takes over the laptop sleeve market and becomes such a cult, that they have forums dedicated to them. Also interesting to note is that I have #1 out of 750 of 3 designs. So when this happens, I'm going to totally cash in and retire before I'm 50. Adios suckers!

    Pricing. Eighty fuckin' dollars! Isn't that much for a quality sleeve I guess. I haven't purchased a sleeve in a very long time. I will leave it up to you to decide if $80 is a significant investment or simply what you earn per second. If you have $80, then damn, buy it. If you don't have $80, well you can't buy it anyways. Problem solved.

    SHOULD I BUY IT? Well, if you're into the designs and the asking price is okay with you, then the Tropical Howie sleeves are awesome. If you're a dork who just wants a plain black sleeve with a zip, there are cheaper and less ostentatious options available. Simple as that really. In reflection, I could have saved myself the effort and just made the review this conclusion. But, then people would call me lazy and I'm sooooo not lazy. I work very hard for a living. I take any claims of being lazy as a massive personal attack. Go fuck yourself buddy.

    Stats:

    • Comes in 13", 15" and 17"" sizes for Apple laptops.

    • Available from the Tropical Howie website.

    • $80 a pop.

    • I can't develop a fourth, witty, fake stat. Think of your own.


    DSC_0004.jpg

    The rather ranuchy packaging. Yep. This was in my mailbox. My neighbors probably think I'm even more of a pervert now.

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    Someone put a lot of effort into this, obviously. A little too much perhaps.

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    It's nice to touch! It's like a towel! I fully expect a Big Mac special sauce stain to adorn this laptop sleeve within 72 hours.

    DSC_0006.jpg

    The zip. Would hate to get the ol' Johnson stuck in that mother. Daymn.

    DSC_0007.jpg

    A really boring story about a girl on a bus going to Bondi Beach. Her legs are bare (I liked that bit). The window on the bus causes her difficulty. She gets there, puts a towel down and lies on it. Amazing. The story is salvaged if you think of her in a bikini though. Whilst on the bus. And you're on the opposite seat. Put it back in your pants bro, we're on a bus.
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