View Full Version : This year's Darwin Awards

4th November 2004, 06:37 AM
Virginia, USA
Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for
the Darwin Award Nominees.

The Darwins are awarded every year to Americans who died in the most
stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium
apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional
Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the
balcony," Honer said.

Nominee No. 2: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk,
IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of
a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in
his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators
said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been
firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when
the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 3: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged
24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to
visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of
window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy
was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 4: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 5: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns
got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung
underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 6: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December
in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his
bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38
Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 7: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a
murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison.
While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small
TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 8: [Bloomberg News Service]:
A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the
death of a man who was killed by his own gas emissions. There was no
mark on his body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in
his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and
a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods.
It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his
windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut
up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a
big man with a huge capacity for creating 'this deadly gas'". Three of
the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Finally, THE WINNER: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the
world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would
admit how this accident happened," commented Snyder. Thurston Poole,
33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were
returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday
night when Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men
concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned
out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next
to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights
again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound
toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles,
and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated,
discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved
sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree. Poole
suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which
will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and
was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," said Wallis.
(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure
as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, Poole did in fact
effectively remove himself from the gene pool.) Upon being notified of
the wreck, Poole's wife Lavinia asked how many frogs the boys had
caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

4th November 2004, 06:47 AM
sad but funny.
i think they should all be winners

4th November 2004, 08:24 PM
the last one no one died.. how is it a darwin?? :S

4th November 2004, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by internet@Nov 4 2004, 08:24 PM
the last one no one died.. how is it a darwin?? :S
As Currawong said, the participants had to be removed from the gene pool, rather than dieing, which the criteria for the Darwin awards state.

I like the 2nd last one better than the winner personally although.

4th November 2004, 10:22 PM
ah very true, didn't think of that

5th November 2004, 12:35 AM
This has been my personal favourite since it was published. (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html) Unfortunately it was confirmed as a bogus.

5th November 2004, 09:42 AM
There's a great story, whether true or not can't be verified, by an anonymous man who claims to have unintentially been the source of the ledgend here (http://www.cultdeadcow.com/cDc_files/cDc-363/). Hilarious reading.

5th November 2004, 09:45 AM
Originally posted by Atomic@Nov 5 2004, 01:05 AM
This has been my personal favourite since it was published. (http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html) Unfortunately it was confirmed as a bogus.
awww... that's a great story! It's always been my favorite, and now i find out it isn't true. Oh well, looks like i can only tell this one around campfires now. ;)